Horses are quick to forgive and quick to ask for forgiveness.  If they do something out of line, get reprimanded by the herd leader, or accidentally hurt you while spooked, they will immediately stop, lower their head and look meek.  This is their way of asking for forgiveness and reconciliation.  I’ve learned a lot from horses, but this is one lesson I need to take over and over again.  Although I’m usually fairly quick to forgive, I find it particularly difficult to ask for forgiveness.  Yet, saying “I’m sorry” and asking for forgiveness are good steps toward healing, reconciliation and healthy, loving relationships — all of which are central to living out our Christian Faith.

Why is asking for forgiveness so difficult?  Because we must admit we’re wrong, humble ourselves, become vulnerable, and risk rejection.  If, on top of all that, you’ve been in an abusive relationship before, as I once was, you’ve likely experienced being forced or manipulated to take full blame and to apologize, even for the breaks in relationship that were not your fault.  This makes it even more difficult to say the words “I’m sorry” or “please forgive me.”  However, if you’re in a healthy relationship today, you will need to find the strength to seek forgiveness from time to time.  How can you do that while maintaining dignity?  Genuinely seeking forgiveness restores dignity and begins the path of healing.

Ashley Turner, a yoga teacher and body-mind psychotherapist, teaches three steps to forgiveness.  (1) She recommends pausing to look inward.  Recognize your part in the hurtful act or words, and ask yourself why you acted the way you did.  In other words, what unmet need did you have that you were trying to express?  Then, acknowledge you’re human and imperfect, and forgive yourself.  (2) Make an apology as quickly as possible.  Turner coaches to approach with soft body language and to apologize genuinely.  A genuine apology begins with words of contrition, such as “I’m sorry.”  This lets the listener know you’ve come to apologize and helps them to hear what you have to say.  Then, let the person know what specific thing you’re sorry for.  It helps to hear you understand what you did or said wrong and softens the tension.  Finally, say the words “Please forgive me.”  Those three words increase the likelihood of being forgiven.  Even if the other person doesn’t forgive you right away, those words may pave the pathway for forgiveness. (3)  Make a plan for positive change.  State what you will do differently next time, or what steps you have already taken.  Turner uses the example: “I will start getting ready fifteen minutes earlier than I think I need to so I’m not late.” *

Need more tips?

• Ask God to forgive you, and know that God says, “You are forgiven!”
• Write out your apology in advance.
• Ask God to give you strength and courage while you approach the person you hurt.
• Take 3 deep breaths.
• Remember everyone makes mistakes and, although you may feel badly, your mistake does not make you a bad person.  Seeking forgiveness is your decision to choose good.
• Be patient.

Rev. Dr. Amy Butler explained the moment of receiving forgiveness as “this moment of true humanity when we are seen for who we really are and loved anyway.” **  Read Matthew 5:23-24 and I John 5:1-10, and remember: God loves YOU unconditionally!

Annie

Today’s Readings:  https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+5:23-24

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20John%201:5-10

*Ashely Turner, “The Forgiveness Triangle: How To Ask For Forgiveness!” http://thedailylove.com/the-forgiveness-triangle-how-to-ask-for-forgiveness/.  September 4, 2012.  Accessed August 17, 2016.

**Bruce Feiler, “The New York Times: How to Ask for forgiveness.”   http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/27/fashion/how-to-forgive-in-four-steps.html?_r=0.  September 27, 2015.  Accessed August 17, 2016.