Sometimes the unimaginable happens.  A loved one… a young child… dies, and most would say it was “before their time.”  I have listened to surviving parents describe their grief.  I have listened to parents who have lost a child try to make sense of it and asking difficult questions: Was it God’s will?  Did God cause their child’s death?  If not, why did God allow it?  Why didn’t God intervene?   And, if their child was sick for some time and the parents prayed for healing, why didn’t God answer their prayer?  Was it something they did or didn’t do?  Did they have enough faith?  Does God even care?  Is God able?  Where was God when their child, and they, needed God most?  

Nothing can prepare a parent for such a moment.  Nothing, in that moment, is a good enough answer to their questions.  In that moment, all they know is they have lost their beloved child.  In that moment and the moments after, all you can do is listen and care and be there for them because you love them and they are hurting and life isn’t fair.  All you can do is be present– FULLY present when many others will want to turn and walk away because it’s too hard, sad, uncomfortable and messy.

Later their questions will resurface.  At some point, they will need to make sense of what happened and what God’s role was.  It may be months or years later, but the time will come when it will be appropriate to help them answer their difficult questions.  Perhaps you feel unqualified to help.  That’s okay.  You can offer to go with them to talk with a pastor.  If you do respond, here are a couple of phrases to avoid (because they cause more pain and are not true): God had a purpose for your child’s illness/death; God can’t heal without the faith of the person praying (in essence, you didn’t have enough faith and that’s why God didn’t/couldn’t heal your child).  Here’s what you can say: God was with your child — and with you– every moment; I don’t know why God intervenes sometimes and not others– no one does; It’s okay to be be angry with God and to tell God how you feel.

Pain, suffering, and death are a real part of this broken world.  God does not cause these things.  God is a God of life and healing.  God does understand, and God is there with us in our suffering and even in our death.  God knows what it’s like to suffer and to have a child die– God’s Son died.  God’s Son was resurrected into new and everlasting life, and in that resurrection we, too, have hope of new and eternal life for our children and also for ourselves.  Read I Thessalonians 4:13-18, and remember: God loves YOU unconditionally!

Annie

Today’s Reading: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Thessalonians+4%3A13-18&version=NLT