This title is inspired by last Sunday’s Gospel reading and a sermon delivered by Pastor Lisette Baxter at St. Andrew’s Church in Colchester, VT. This is Pastor Lisette’s message that I am paraphrasing and interpreting. Okay, I will admit that I took a few notes during the sermon because I was intrigued with the topic and wanted to get as many points as I could.

You may recall that this Gospel according to Matthew (18:21-35) deals with the topics of forgiveness and mercy. The slave’s master forgives him a sizeable debt after the slave appeals to the master for mercy and promises to make good on his debt. However, the forgiven slave acts in a very different manner to a fellow slave who owes him a hundred denarii; refusing to grant leniency as he had been granted by the Master. When the Master finds out about this behavior, he retracts his forgiveness and throws the Wicked Slave into debtors’ prison. The Wicked Slave receives some nasty punishment for not following his Master’s example of forgiveness and mercy.

With this reading as background, Pastor Baxter talked about four items of preparation before the actual act of forgiveness. These steps, if you will, help to put forgiveness into its proper light as a Christian practice. How many times have you heard people say, “I just cannot forgive her/him for what they did to me”. And yet, forgiveness is at the very heart of the Christian message: God reaching out to His people with love to forgive them their sins. It is the very reason that Jesus took human form and came to earth to redeem us. We did nothing to deserve it. It was freely given and we are freely forgiven.
We must make the act forgiveness an integral part of our faith practice. So, here are four steps to help with this practice.

First: Own the pain. It is necessary to accept that the offense caused harm or disruption in your life. Don’t let it be washed over as nothing. Denial causes resentments to build in your soul and turns you against others who don’t understand what you are going through or how hurt you are. So, talk about the offense with a trusted spiritual partner, like a pastor, therapist or Stephen Minister.

This is not a quick process. It is often on again, off again and can be very emotional. Acceptance requires God’s grace; God’s active love in your life. Often, it is easier to become numb to the hurt rather than recognize and confront the hurt within yourself. Confronting the hurt takes courage.

Second: Forgiveness is for the Offended, not the Offender. Forgiveness means to be released; to be set free. In a recent study, victims who forgave their offenders almost all expressed a physical sense of release after the act of forgiveness. They felt lighter and freer themselves. They were freed from the resentment that was smoldering within.

Third: Repeat forgiveness does not mean being a Christian doormat. Forgiveness does not mean tolerating inappropriate, bad or abusive behavior. It requires good self-care. It requires action, when appropriate.

Fourth: This is not a once and done process, unfortunately. Forgiveness is a process which requires a decision; it requires thoughtful prayer and help from God. It requires the assistance of the Holy Spirit in letting go of the residual resentments and hard feelings.

Why should we forgive anyway? Because forgiveness imitates for the world the pure generous gift of love given to us by our Gracious God.

Yes, He the One who loves you unconditionally forever and always.

Terri

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:24-25