Sometimes I wonder about my presence, or trying to be more specific, my countenance. Like all of us aging children of God, I often don’t like what I see in the mirror. Bloodshot eyes; bags under them; crow’s feet, furrowed brow, corners of my lips droopy. When people greet me and ask if I’m okay, it gets me thinking: what are they seeing? “You look tired; down.” Funny thing is, I truly don’t feel that way. Oh sure, I deal with “garden-variety” depression, which I take low-dose medication for. Am I truly getting enough sleep, even though I feel as if I am? Should I undergo one of the sleeping tests to check for apnea? Do I need a “C-pap” or “B-pap?”

I honestly don’t feel sleep-deprived, old or unhappy. I am aware that my calling can be stressful, and I believe that I exercise adequate self-care. Living as Christians can be difficult. Maybe it’s supposed to be difficult. The world does have certain expectations of how Christians ought to conduct themselves. The assumption is that we’re supposed to be happier than the non-churchgoers. Whenever our feeble humanity gets in the way of our faith, we would do well to recall the human examples in the Bible. Lives of hardship, pain and suffering experienced by the most holy of Biblical heroes of faith. Revered not because they “had it made” in the eyes of the world; quite the contrary. To say they were “happy” would be missing the point. We are seduced by the immediate; the gratifying; the temporary “high”. We are culturally addicted, conditioned to external happiness. Yet our hearts remain empty. What we do, our possessions, and who we choose to spend time with are not in themselves inherently “evil”, or a mistake. It is just that they do not fulfill our greatest desire, our joy. That can only be filled by Jesus. Our inner communion with God cannot be thwarted or replaced by fleeting happiness, no matter how good it might make us feel. Until Jesus’ return to completely make all things new, we live in the tension, the seduction of Satan’s lies.

We don’t or shouldn’t attend church because it makes us happy. What we experience is joy. A peace beyond understanding, a filling of the soul. We are complete when in full communion with God through each other. Our appetites become subservient. We may not “look” happy in terms of earthly satisfaction. We may not even have a “happy” life. But we do have the joy that endures or transcends. It rises above other’s opinions or assessments of what looks “wrong” about us. It quashes belittlement and ridicule. It is joy that caught the atheist C.S. Lewis by surprise. He discovered in his own way that happiness is fleeting; chasing the wind. Joy runs deep. It is joy that enables us to see and feel the unconditional love that permeates our countenance. It shows beyond and beneath our crow’s feet, droopy corners of the mouth and furrowed brow. It reveals us as beloved children of God who can rise above what the mirror might show.

Pastor Art