I think that God has a sense of humor (look up how David’s son Absalom died), and I feel that it would be good to have some humor in the face of our sheltering-in-place experiences.  I’ve assembled some here; much of it is from online, some is from friends, and some is my own fault.

• I’m an optimist. I say the bottle of Purell is half-full.
• It’s Day 7 without sports. I found a lady sitting on my couch.  Apparently, she’s my wife. She seems nice.
• Does anyone have a recipe to make toilet paper out of cauliflower?
• Now that we have everyone washing their hands correctly, we’ll start working on turn signals.
• A lot of parents are discovering that the teacher wasn’t the problem.
• Homeschooling day 3: I’m trying to remove the bumper sticker about my child being an honor student at Lincoln elementary school.
• Homeschooling day 5: How do I get this kid transferred out of my class?
• Is muting the TV and putting on the closed caption really a good way to teach reading?
• Homeschooling is tough. Today I had to tell my son he didn’t make our baseball team.
• 9-year-old: “Is today Tuesday?” Mom: “What do you think?”  9-year-old: “You don’t know either.  Do you?”
• Child: “I even miss math class.” (Editorial comment: wouldn’t everyone?)
• Can a home-schooling teacher be fired for drinking on the job? I hope so.
• My children asked me to wear my wedding dress today, and I couldn’t think of a single reason to say no.
• Don’t panic, but if Kevin Bacon tests positive, we’re all in trouble.
• It’s like being 16 again. Gas is cheap and I’m grounded.
• Anyone else’s car getting three weeks to the gallon?
• Remember: 9pm is the time to remove your day pajamas and put on your night pajamas.
• After sheltering in place for a month, a lot of women wish their husbands had given them one of those Peletons for Christmas.
• I heard that divorce lawyers are eagerly looking forward to a lot of business after the end of sheltering-in-place.
• Lately I’ve been ordering stuff online as an incentive to keep on going for the next 4-7 days.
• To those complaining about sheltering-in-place, remember that the Greatest Generation had to go to war; you are called on to sit on the couch and watch Netflix.
• Why am I still ordering clothes online? Where am I going to wear them?  The kitchen?
• When this is over, I never want to hear the word “zoom” again.
• What are we going to do with all this banana bread?
• Did you heard the story about a rabbi, a priest and a Lutheran minister that walked into a bar? Nope, it didn’t happen.  The bar was closed.
• Who ever thought that a real virus, rather than a computer virus, would lead to a digital transformation of society?
• Groundhog Day WAS a horror film.
• I’ve heard some kids are upset with the grownupvirus.
• For those who wanted a world without vaccines, here’s the world without one
• Scientists have figured out that the spread of COVID-19 is based on two things: (1) How dense the population is; (2) How dense the population is.
• Could the spread of the COVID-19 virus be worse than the spread of glitter? Yes!
• Cats are upset that all the annoying servants are staying home all day.
• Now we know why dogs are so excited to go for walks.
• This year, 2020, is a Leap Year. February had 29 days; March and April had 97 each.
• Remember when you wished the weekend would last forever? Are you happy now?
• We’re close to seeing everyone’s true hair color.
• Blondes are disappearing from the earth.
• Nail salons, barbershops, hair salons and tanning parlors are closed, and it’s getting ugly out there.
• Just asked my husband what day it is. He’s Googling it.  I’ll get back to you.
• A father pretended to give his little girl’s chicken nuggets a medical checkup, when he realized she said ketchup.
• 2020 the movie: written by Stephen King and directed by Quentin Tarantino.
• Is it wrong to hope that a hoarder’s stash of sanitizer falls over and injures him?
• Remember when we used to argue about which way to hang the toilet paper?
• How many yard sales will be trying to get rid of excess toilet paper this fall?
• What’s the best way of avoiding touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.

I hope that this little humor helps you remember that even in these unpleasant times that God loves YOU unconditionally.

Jim