Many years ago a good friend of mine (I will all her Mary) went through a very painful and bitter divorce.  Infidelity was the major issue and she suffered a great deal from the personal pain it caused her and even more so the distress it caused her children as a result of the separation.  I spent a lot of time with Mary and could see her getting more angry, resentful and bitter as the months went on.

My friend went through many stages in her “grieving” process, much the same way people do when they suffer the death of a loved one. Mary was humiliated and worried about what others thought, she was angry at the thoughtless pain he had caused the family, she was bitter about the financial situation in which she was left, Mary was embarrassed she had not seen this coming and her heart was wounded from the deception and lack of respect her husband had shown her and their sacred vow of marriage which she took very seriously.

Mary was a school counselor by profession and dealt with other people’s problems every day. She knew in her head what she was feeling was normal, but her heart was suffering and devastated and she was having a difficult time “getting over it” as she said.  It consumed Mary to the point she had a difficult time functioning in her daily life leading to health issues and inhibiting her from getting on with her life.

Finally, my friend decided to talk to our pastor about her issues.   Mary confided in him that she just could not “forgive and forget” like the bible tells us. He answered that the bible does not tell us to “forget” but it does tell us to “forgive”.  We may not be able to forget the harm that was done to us, but forgiving the person who we believed wronged us is usually a good thing to do for our own emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

 Asking God to help us forgive the other person is often the only way to get over our bitterness.  Life will go on whether we “get over it” or not.  The real question is the quality of our life, and that may depend on our getting over it sooner rather than later. Mary took his words to heart and trusted the Lord with his unconditional love to help her through this difficult time.  She raised her family and they are all doing well and sometime later, she married again to a wonderful guy and she is very happy in her life.

Isaiah 43:18 tells us “Forget the former things: do not dwell on the past”.  I know I do much better in my own life when I heed these words and “get over it”.  Life is too precious to let negative thoughts drive us.  Forgive and do not dwell on the past!

Patty