Nikos Kazantzkis (author of Zorba the Greek) recounted a conversation with an elderly monk, Fr. Makarios. He asked, “Do you still wrestle with the devil, Father Makarios?” The old priest sighed and replied, “Not any more, my child. I have grown old, and he has grown old with me. He doesn’t have the strength . . . I wrestle with God.” “With God!” Kaztanakis exclaimed. “And you hope to win?” The old priest replied, “I hope to lose, my child.”*

Wrestling with God invokes the image of Jacob wrestling with a man who later seems to be identified as God (or maybe an angel). Struggling with God is a common theme in the Scriptures. Abraham bargained with God to save Sodom. Moses tried to get out of leading the people of Israel out of Egypt. Jeremiah, complained constantly  to God about being a prophet.

I struggled with God for years about my call to the ministry. I was never sure I was doing the right thing being a pastor. I’m not sure who won.

In broadest terms, I see the struggle with God not being believing that there is a God, but rather what it means to have a God. What is it that God wants with me and am I willing to do it? I don’t have any simple answers to this question. My approach has always been to go on with life as best as I can, and trust God for the rest. And I take comfort that Jacob’s struggle ends with a blessing.

May you be blessed in your struggle.

Read Genesis 32:24-30  and remember: God loves YOU unconditionally.

Wayne

*Ronald Rolheiser, Domestic Monastery, p. 69.